As you are probably aware, George W. Bush is our new President. This will have catastrophic results in our vital, no, indispensable entertainment industry.

Barbara Streisand, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon, Whoopie Goldberg, Alec Baldwin, among many others, have sworn to leave the country if George W. Bush is elected President.

And this is where YOU can help. We need volunteers to help pack and load moving vans. We also need volunteers to provide airfare for these irreplaceable national treasures so they can relocate before they change their minds.

For the cost of a small SUV, YOU can sponsor one of these celebrities in their unfortunate relocation. You will know that your efforts are helping when you receive postcards, letters and pictures from your chosen "refugee" as he or she learns to become a useful citizen in the third world country of their choosing.

You will help, won't you? It costs so little, but it means so much.

Call 1-800-DEPORT-A-LIB. Operators are standing by. Major Credit cards are accepted

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Attention all disenfranchised liberals:

Would Alex Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue, David Gephin, Barbara Streisand, Pierre Salinger, and all other liberals who previously announced they would leave the country if George Bush was elected President, please report to Florida for the sailing of the Good Ship Lollipop, which has been commissioned to take you to your new home.

The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended stay...at least four years. Your captain is to be Bill Clinton and your cruise director will be Al Gore. Joe Lieberman will be your purser and Monica Lewinsky will be your recreation director. Your primary job, while self-exiled, will be to pound sand until such time as you realize your worthless bleeding-heart-liberal ways and gain a grasp on reality - which may be never for some of you losers.

If you have any questions about your final destination, please direct your comments to Hillary. She's staying behind and will be in charge of nursing whining liberals for the next four years.

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