CAMPUS CRUSADE FOR CTHULHU

Cthulhu for President in 2000!
The World is Not Enough!

Presidential Candidate Questionaire

Do you believe your elected leader should:

...fulfill your maximum potential as your Creator intended? (you shall be eaten)

...subjugate your enemies with fear, terror, madness and destruction? (they shall be eaten)

...view all humans as equal, regardless of race, color, creed, or mental stability? (chewy on the outside, with a crunchy center)

...use all means available to protect you from your insidious enemies of the state? (they, too, shall be eaten)

...share your dreams with you? (Vocalization is so much wasted energy. I shall communicate with you directly. I hope you don't find it too invasive or maddening.)

...be impervious to the temptations of money or humanist lobby groups? (they shall be eaten)

...fulfill your destiny in the greater scheme of the universe, regardless of the so-called Congress? (Please, much fear and terror. Don't stop screaming. And try to lose some weight, I'm on a diet.)

...be a great lover, capable of instituting excruciating levels of pleasure/pain to multiple partners of any sex or species, to the point of madness? (73 orally-fixed tentacles plus amorpheous physical form. And I'm single.)

...rise up from the depths and lead you to a glorious victory over his eternal oppressors? (after which we shall have a victory feast! *droool*)

...eliminate the very existance of man's inhumanity to man? (to be immediately replaced with cthulhuian inhumanity to man)

Other:   

If you answered yes to any of these questions, vote for Cthulhu for President in 2000! The World is Not Enough! and don't forget to dip yourselves in the sweet-and-sour sauce prior to entering the usually cyclopean polling booths.

Thanks to Sean Hamilton. He is now very low on the list to be eaten.