CAT ! DEFINITIONS Cat: 1. a lap warmer with a built-in buzzer. 2. a four footed allergen. 3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist. 4. a small, furry lap fungus. 5. a treat-seeking missile. 6. a wildlife control expert. 7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes. 8. a hair relocation expert. 9. an unprogrammable animal. Cat Scan: to look for a new cat. Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners.Get at least two. Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something. Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna. Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens. Purrplex: a house with two or more cats. Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting. Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty. Tooralooraloorophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats. Yawn: a cat's honest opinion openly expressed.

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